Using Curiosity, Not Combat, in Conversations
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”
— Proverbs 20:5
We live in an age of answers. Search engines, comment sections, hot takes, and algorithm-driven certainty flood our digital lives with information. Everyone seems eager to speak. Far fewer are willing to listen.
But in a world full of loud declarations, a good question can cut through the noise like a blade through fog. The right question doesn’t just challenge the head; it stirs the heart.
Jesus knew this.
He asked over 300 questions in the Gospels and directly answered very few. “Who do you say I am?” “Why are you so afraid?” “Do you love me?” These weren’t rhetorical flourishes. They were heart-revealers. Soul probes. Invitations to reflection.
If we want to reflect Christ in our conversations—especially with skeptics—we need to learn not just to state our convictions, but to ask the kinds of questions that reveal assumptions, open doors, and draw others out.
The Question Is the Bridge
There’s something powerful about being asked a sincere question. It forces us to engage, to reflect, to defend, or sometimes to admit: I haven’t thought that through.
Questions build bridges where arguments often build walls. A calm, well-placed question can turn a hostile conversation into a meaningful one. It shifts the posture from defensive to reflective.
Why Questions Disarm
- They show humility – A question assumes you don’t know everything—and that the other person has something worth hearing.
- They expose assumptions – Instead of refuting, questions invite the other person to clarify what they mean, which often reveals internal contradictions.
- They shift control – A statement can be ignored. A question demands some kind of engagement—even if it’s avoidance.
- They mirror Jesus – His use of questions wasn’t a strategy; it was a way of revealing the truth through encounter.
The Right Questions at the Right Time
Here are five types of questions that open up deep spiritual conversations:
1. The Clarifier
“What do you mean by that?”
Stops assumptions cold. If someone says, “The Bible is full of contradictions,” don’t defend—ask. Most haven’t studied what they just claimed.
2. The Ground Tester
“How did you come to that conclusion?”
Gently hands the burden of proof back to them. It invites critical thinking without confrontation.
3. The Consistency Probe
“Do you think your view applies consistently to everyone?”
If morality is “just subjective,” this question reveals whether they actually live that way.
4. The Counter-Story
“What would it mean if that weren’t true?”
“If there were evidence for God, would you believe?” This probes the will, not just the mind.
5. The Personal Turn
“Has your view ever been tested by suffering or experience?”
Moves the conversation from theory to personal story—and opens space for empathy.
From Curiosity to Care
It’s easy to treat questions as tactics. But that misses the point. The goal isn’t to win debates—it’s to invite discovery.
And discovery takes time.
Asking questions well means being genuinely curious about the person in front of you. It means caring more about their journey than your rebuttal.
Truth matters. But truth without love becomes a weapon. When paired with sincere curiosity, it becomes a lifeline.
Learning from the Best
Socrates asked questions to expose contradictions.
Jesus asked questions to expose hearts.
One sought wisdom. The other was Wisdom Incarnate.
We follow Jesus—not merely by giving the right answers, but by asking the right questions in love.
A Real Example
At a campus event, a student said, “I think Christianity is just a crutch.”
A Christian replied, “What reality do you think Christians are avoiding?”
That pause… led to a personal story about grief, not argument. And that conversation became a friendship. Not a conversion, but something real.
That’s the power of a question.
Five Questions to Keep in Your Pocket
- What do you mean by that?
- How did you come to that conclusion?
- Do you live as though that’s true?
- If Christianity were true, would you become a Christian?
- Can I ask what shaped that view for you?
You don’t need a debate script. You need a few good questions and a heart that listens.
Final Thought
We don’t need more clever answers. We need more compassionate curiosity.
The best questions aren’t weapons—they’re windows. They invite people to see differently.
In a noisy world, be the one who asks the question that actually makes someone think.
And then, when the time comes, be ready to give an answer—seasoned with grace, anchored in truth, and shaped by love.
Tom's Theology Blog 
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